View Your Shopping Cart 0Cart

Our Blog. We like to write...

D.B. Tarpley's Amazing Ass Blog - Part 6

Blog Post

Greetings people and peoplettes.

I have been asked by many people how I write. Where do I get my ideas and then how do I take a notion from concept to a polished tale of wonder and merriment?

FUCKERZ!

I mean, it is easy to explain without anger or high blood pressure.

The first thing you, I, or any writer needs is an idea…a spark…a notion. Anything really will do. For me it is often a simple opening sentence which grabs my attention. The idea will spring from the tone and mystery between these opening words.

But it is often just an idea.

GODDAMNED PRETENDERS TO THE THRONE!!!

So you have your idea…your bread if you will…let’s say your idea is a thinly sliced piece of common everyday white bread. (Don’t blame me; it’s your idea.) And there you have it, a piece of everyday household bread – indistinguishable from all the other bread out there in the world.

You have to flavour it right? You have to give the bread a good healthy meaty dose of who you are and make it yours. You have to lay down the structure of the tale. You have to slather it with peanut butter. This is your first draft.

Peanut butter – the most commonly known building block in the whole entire universe. It is said that 3/4th of Pluto is primarily peanut butter…

Prove me wrong...

I WILL CARVE YOUR NOSE INTO A VAGINER IN YOUR SLEEP!!!

But…while peanut butter on a piece of bread is healthy…I mean it will sustain you…it is lacking a certain amount of flavour…a certain amount of panache. You need to sweeten it up.

So you find those purple words which bring your soul to grapy grapish life. You become the stealthiest grapist the world has ever seen. You grape the shit out of that sandwich as you slide your shiny, purple blade all over its quivering booooody. You sweeten it up and turn it into something more than the bare bones structure it is. This is your rewrite.

And…

I HATE CABBAGE!!!!

… then you are stuck with this entire sticky sweet top. It is hard to grab and consume. It is hard to manage. You need a reiteration of the initial idea throughout to tie it all together. So you slap another piece of bread on top and wallah!

You have created the perfectly polished turkey sandwich.

This is basically how I write.

Every writer should try various techniques though until they find what works for them. There has to be a nut of creativity there though or nothing will ultimately work. Then all you end up with is cardboard and Styrofoam all smashed together.

So just take your time, use the ingredients available to you, try to be creative, then give up and pick up a copy of Lick the Razor by yours truly.

It is the only thing that is ultimately going to make you happy anyway.

Until next time, keep cooking and have yourself an amazing ass day.

SACRILEGIOUS PIG ANUS TICKLER!!!

D.J. Tarpley's Lick the Razor is available on this website as a downloadable eBook or from other sites such as Amazon, iTunes, etc.

Comments

On Friday, October Oct 2013 Jim Wilson said...

“I like ole D.B. (Dearly Beloved) and there's nuthin' he can do about it. Wilhelm Reich said that all art was created through a hole in the armour whereas I think that it is created through a hole in the cabbage of life...the stinking cabbage of life....it would be good to see everyone breaking through their conditioning and getting it all out. Onya D.B.! Great Blog. ”

On Friday, October Oct 2013 D.B.Tarpley said...

“Thank you so much Jim. I will never pretend to be as great a writer as you. I am not that perfect in my word choice. Your prose is poetry and while I am no great reader I can't pass your blog up without giving it a whirl. I am always in awe of the composition. I never pretend to be anyuthing more than an entertaining hack, a court jester to help lightly pass the hours in the Kingdom of Lust. I agree with the statemtent that art is created by letting the walls down. I have always felt that exposing oneself was the best way to reach people. I try to expose myself daily. If you have a camera phone I will gladly show you.”

On Friday, October Oct 2013 Bigus Dikus said...

“I'm confused, is this a recipe or a metaphor?”

On Friday, October Oct 2013 D.B.Tarpley said...

“A bit of both actually. If you cut the crust off Bigus it is actually a rather lovely petit four.”

On Saturday, October Oct 2013 Chris said...

“Did that make anyone else randy, or is it just me? Seriously, I love this blog. Keep 'em coming D.B.! ”

On Saturday, October Oct 2013 D.B.Tarpley said...

“Thanks Chris... I mean Randy... I mean, Is it a permanent change or only a temporal shift in the genetic makeup?”

On Saturday, October Oct 2013 S.K said...

“I like cabbage. I don't like peanut butter. Maybe that's where I have gone wrong all these years. Who the shit eats grape jelly? Nice ass blog”

On Sunday, October Oct 2013 D.B.Tarpley said...

“Thanks S.K. I enjoy a nice boiled cabbage with salt and pepper. And grape jelly is commonly paired with peanut butter in the classic PB@J which of course is the national dish of Uganda.”

Post a Comment

loading...

Are You A Writer?

Germinal are always on the hunt for new and interesting publishing concepts.

More Info...

Learn More

Learn more about Germinal Press and the Indie Publishing World... Learn More