Dads Rock
Men are wonderful, strange, incredibly practical creatures.
We women like to think we have you sussed, but in all sincerity, there are many times I’m honestly gobsmacked, almost in awe, at the unorthodox yet brilliant things you do as parents...things that make the journey so much richer for both mother and children.
But what has led me to making such a bold statement, when men are usually getting slammed for incompetence by the fairer sex?
Exhibit A
Baby is waking up terribly early and napping badly, and a short conversation quickly reaches the conclusion that the room us getting very light very early.
Result: Mother comes home that evening to black plastic from Bunnings taped across every chink of window...a very practical solution that immediately solved the problem. And though it did feel somewhat as if I was doing feeds in the world’s biggest wheelie bin, that baby room seriously could not have been darker.
Exhibit B
Toddler is having a meltdown about dinner being served in the red bowl rather than the blue bowl. Mum has tried everything: reasoning, time out, time in, cuddles, no cuddles, washing the blue bowl, hiding under the red bowl...all with the same, very noisy outcome.
Result: Dad walks in, picks up said screaming ball of frustration and immediately turns her upside down...holding her by her feet.
Toddler immediately stops crying, tantrum is over, and dinner is quickly resumed without further ado. A completely unorthodox yet the most ingenious circuit breaker I’ve ever seen.
Exhibit C
Tying up a toddlers hair.
Result: By far my favourite example of brilliantly practical daddy parenting is the youtube video that went viral of dad tying up his daughters hair with the vaccuum cleaner.
See it hear or paste in your browser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lPA7y1z5LU
Brilliant...simply brilliant.
And it made me realise that parenting really is a team effort, and I know that my parenting journey would have been a whole lot less colourful without a dad there to bring a little practicality and perspective to the madness.
Women might do the majority of the day-to-day care in the early days while men are providing, but as an influence and role model, dads carry a huge portion of the responsibility. While women might teach traits such as kindness and gratitude, men are often more focused on teaching perseverance, accountability and boundaries.
And this male influence isn’t about quantity time - it's about quality time.
Whether that male role model is around all the time, some of the time, only there every other weekend, or isn’t the biological dad but a family friend. The set-up and detail isn’t the priority, so much as the influence and respect that exists when they are there.
With studies now showing that dad’s actions have the greatest impression on children, and that behavioural problems, delinquency and substance abuse are more closely linked to male bonding, it’s never been more important for us to give guys the respect, acceptance and space to do things the way they want to (despite how hard that might be for a control freak like myself!)
Because, though it might be completely different to the way we would do things, that difference is possibly the very thing we need.
A.J. Sutherland is the author of our latest title How To Be The Perfect Dad And Not F**k Things Up, which is available from this site and all good bookstores, and in downloadable form via iTunes and Amazon, among others.
Comments
On Friday, June Jun 2013 Deb said...
“We put our first child through controlled crying but what always seems to work when my younger child is howling and when hubby comes home is just this - a fresh approach. He'll just come in and do something completely different to what I've done and that seems to quell my boy. Point of difference, that's all. I'm not saying that's the answer, but it's worked for us.”
On Saturday, June Jun 2013 Simone said...
“I agree with Deb; my child relates differently to my parenting methods but it's just the sheer physicality my partner brings to the role that makes the difference. The "windmill" or "whizzy" when he grabs our daughter by the hands and sends her spinning round and round, feet off the ground, always works wonders. ”
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