The great gender debate
Nature or nurture…that’s the question.
Before I had children, I was a firm believer that nurture was predominantly responsible for whether we grow up to be girly, tomboy or somewhere in the middle.
And I was certain that if I raised my own children as neutrally as possible, we would avoid all the typical boy/girl stereotypes until at least high school.
But now I’m not so sure.
Growing up, I was definitely a tomboy... a girl who rejected dolls yet loved trains, I was happiest climbing trees, playing football (or “soccer” to those of you who call it by it’s crazy American name), and getting up to inordinate amounts of mud-based mischief.
And I always presumed it was what my parents intended. As the youngest of three girls, I often felt like the pseudo son they’d never had.
However, fast forward thirty years and now with children of my own, I’m starting to see that no matter what you intend, the personality of the child will always prevail.
Because, despite deliberately trying to raise my brood as neutrally as possible, I still currently have a four-year-old boy running around determined that sticks are swords, that all girls smell, and that pirates will inherit the earth.
Even with avoiding gender-specific toys – no guns or weapons but plenty of Playdough, Lego and puzzles – somehow, despite this, the boy in him still thoroughly shines through.
He simply uses the Lego to build canons, and inflicts the most spectacular of crashes on Playdough cars.
And it seems that once kids enter into the perilous world of pre-school, being faced with forming friendships for the first time sadly makes defining “who you are” even more immediate.
Children start conforming to a chosen identity simply because of a desire to belong – establishing their social groups and personality traits from an incredibly early age.
So, are my aspirations of raising a son who can contentedly bake, or a daughter confident enough to be a firefighter, all lost in a sea of battleships and fairy wings?
I guess all we can do as parents is show them all the options, channel the energy they already have, and nurture whatever little personality is emerging... even if they do end up following all the stereotypes our society throws their way.
And hopefully, our unbiased home life will instil enough open-mindedness during the early years to give them the respect and confidence to cross any boundaries... should they ever have the desire.
But, just as I’ll always choose beers with the boys over an afternoon shopping, my son will probably always find a way to race objects to their doom off man-made cliffs. Because that’s just who we are.
And with this in mind, I’m already intrigued to see what’s in store when MissBaby begins to stamp her little and already ferocious mark on the world in the next few years!
What are your thoughts on the nature/nurture impacts of raising children?
A.J. Sutherland is the author of our latest title How To Be The Perfect Dad And Not F**k Things Up, which is available from this site and all good bookstores.
Comments
On Saturday, February Feb 2013 Tel said...
“I have a sister-in-law in a relationship with a female partner with two children, a boy and a girl. Both are excellent parents. They've tried to "subvert" traditional stereotypes of how a boy and girl should be brought up and it's been fascinating (although, as a male, a little weird). What I can say is that my nephews are exhibiting the same characteristics you'd always expect from a young boy and girl. I'm always intrigued.”
On Saturday, February Feb 2013 Tel said...
“I should say nephews and nieces...”
On Sunday, February Feb 2013 MotherGoddess said...
“Well, I read this with a little interest. In my case, I had what seemed a "normal" well-adjusted son who suddenly announced recently at 18 that he wanted gender-reassignment surgery. Didn't see it coming, no signs, nothing. It's been an interesting period for both my husband and I, not to mention my son. A example of nature or nurture???”
Post a Comment