MUMMY COOL?
I'm in the midst of a crisis at the moment.
A crisis of cool.
Because I have realised that, as a parent, you are destined (even obliged), to never be cool.
Not that I was ever truly a fully paid up member of the cool crew. But there was a spell in my life where I went to the trendy clubs, knew all the DJs, partied 'til dawn then blagged my way into the after parties...so I at least had the occasional dalliance with being part of the "in" crowd.
Cool
Now, at the moment, my daughter looks at me like I'm the most amazing thing ever to grace her world.
Her eyes follow me around the room, and I always get the biggest, most radiant gummy smile, whenever I catch her eye. Admittedly it is predominantly because I am food, plus she is only a five-month-old so knows no better. In fact, she probably just views me as an extension of herself...but I'll take what I can get.
The flipside, however, is that in my four-year-old's eyes, I am not far from the start of the slippery descent down to being decidedly uncool.
Uncool
In the world according to Mr4, our first child, I suck at most sports.
Yes, I do let him win at everything, and witnessing the delight on his face as his tiny legs sped past me was fun, at the beginning. Now, however, this little game has completely backfired. So much so in fact, that he now pities me and my utterly shit soccer skills, insisting on giving me tips and tricks every time we play.
I also struggle to remain tight-lipped at the little voice that now pipes up from the backseat with "Mummy, I think you've gone the wrong way", or "mummy, that light was red."
And exasperated phrases like "no, Mummy, you're doing it all wrong" cut to the bone, particularly when it is at something as simple as crafting a PlayDough car.
But are all parents uncool in their children's eyes?
Mine were.
In fact, the thought of my parents partying the night away, wearing the latest trends, or hanging backstage at a gig, is ludicrous.
And I'm going to presume that even Johnny Depp’s kids roll their eyes at him occasionally.
Whatever
I'll accept that this destiny of uncool is just part of the circle of life, that circle where my children will only ever know me as "Parent".
And that is undoubtedly a good thing. This Parent tag, however, does come at a price. This price being that no matter how cool you think you are, your kids never will.
They'll never know the party princess me, they'll never see the shoebox of glowsticks I hoard under my bed, and they will probably view my music collection with the same disdain I had for my parents' Peter Paul and Mary LPs.
I've had my time. Now it is their turn.
And can the coolness ever be regained?
Well in Mr4's world, Grandad is currently the ultimate in cool.
So maybe once I hit sixty five, I might have a chance at some respect once again - not from my children, but from my children's children.
Until then, time to crank up the nineties dance music, and truly refine being the mummy-uncool.
A.J. Sutherland is a founding member of Germinal Press and the author of our new title, How To Be The Perfect Dad And Not F**K Things Up.
Comments
On Friday, November Nov 2012 Lyall said...
“Do you think the kids of Keith Richards think he's cool? I bet they do, even though he looks like a dinosaur. On the other hand, Mick Jagger's kids would probably think their old man is a complete embarrassment.”
On Monday, December Dec 2012 sarah said...
“My kids think I'm the daggiest parent at their school. It still shocks me as I see myself completely differently. After all, how may other mothers have a full tattoo sleeve?”
On Sunday, December Dec 2012 Leon W said...
“I think we as parents stopped being "cool" the moment we had out first child. We've had three since then and you know what? We now have an appreciation for a totally new "cool" and that's certainly not waking up on a Sat or Sun morning with a hangover and lots of chemicals hanging around inside our bodies. ”
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