Second time around
There is one simple reason that there is an almost chasm-like age gap between my two children.
Exhibit A - Baby #1
Politely described as a “difficult” baby by the professionals, he screamed his way through his first 12 months of life, in a style akin to a scene from The Exorcist.
We tried everything...from endless nights pacing the floor giving the best comfort we could in our sleep deprived state, to the hard-lined Tresillian nurses – who, after a week, decided they couldn't help us anymore.
We never really figured it out, and one day he just eventually stopped.
And although we absolutely love him to bits, the experience did scar us enough to decide absolutely never EVER again.
However, as time wore on, and he grew into an absolutely cracking little man, the memory of those torrid 12 months faded.
Questions such as “Daddy, can we go to the moon on Saturday?” made each day monumentally brighter than life was prior to his arrival. So we bit the bullet and decided that a sibling for him was worth the possible repeat trauma.
Surely it wasn't that bad. Plus it could be different second time around...right?
All the way through pregnancy I was terrified of what was going to come out. Was I hatching another Steven King character in my tum? Would I cope with another newborn, or end up moving the cot into the shed while pouring myself another bucket of vodka?
Nine months later, meet...
Exhibit B - Baby #2
An absolute sweetheart, placid in nature, smiley and chatty with anyone who crosses her path, baby #2 could not be more opposite.
If I hadn't been present at the birth (unfortunately, my attendance was compulsory), I would have questioned whether they had accidently swapped her up at the hospital somehow, and there is an unfortunate new mum out there dealing with my second screaming child.
Surely No. 2 didn't come from the same genes as the first?
And the point...
I realised that no matter what you intend or predetermine for your children, they will have their own personality, their own traits, their own strengths and their own failings.
And all are completely out of your control. All you can do as a parent is guide them on their journey of becoming themselves.
And to make sure that they don't totally fuck it up.
A.J. Sutherland is the author of our latest title How To Be The Perfect Dad And Not F**k Things Up, which is available from this site and all good bookstores.
Comments
On Saturday, January Jan 2013 Mum39 said...
“We have three children aged between 4 and 13. Each has their own personality traits: extroverted, introverted and somewhere in between. The youngest always tend to be more extroverted, given the need to compete with older brothers or sisters. I think I'd find it odd if they all had the same personalities. Almost unnerving.”
On Saturday, January Jan 2013 Sarah said...
“In response to Mum39, I have twins who act and behave very similarly. It's almost predictable. Funnily enough, it has made for easier parenting because it's almost like calming or re-energising one child. I'm not sure if it's one following the other because the behaviour change i almost simultaneous. But I'm also luck - they are both extremely cheerful, bright, positive girls.”
On Sunday, January Jan 2013 SixAndWantMore said...
“Well, we have six kids and believe me, each of them is different. Remarkably so. Wife and I are tempted to go for a seventh just to see if we can have two that are similar. Odds are probably with us too.”
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